How the league table finished:
🏆 THE 120825 SEASON FINALE: TEARS, TRIUMPHS, AND A LOT OF LEAKY DEFENCES 🏆
Grab your half-time oranges and your questionable fashion choices, folks! The curtains have drawn, the final whistle has blown, and the 120825 Season is officially in the history books. If you thought the Premier League had drama, you clearly haven’t been watching the absolute circus that is this league table.
We’ve seen more goals than a FIFA game on “Amateur” mode and more defensive “lapses” than a Sunday league team after a heavy Friday night. Let’s break down the madness of the season that was!
📊 THE HIGH-LEVEL “NERD” STUFF (A.K.A. The Stats)
Before we get into the personal vendettas, let’s look at the numbers. They are, quite frankly, terrifying.
First off, can we talk about the “No Draw” Policy? In 12 games each, we had exactly ZERO draws. It’s like these players collectively decided that sharing points is for cowards and people who like decaf coffee. It was “win or go home,” and quite a few people went home crying.
The scoring was also… suspicious. Our top scorer, Shamz, put away 180 goals. Across the league, we’re looking at nearly 2,000 goals scored. Either the goals are the size of a garage door, or the goalkeepers were replaced by cardboard cutouts of Phil Jones. The average game seems to end about 15-13. It’s not football; it’s basketball with feet!
🥇 THE “MAN CITY” TIER: THE CHAMPION
1. Shamz (C) – 30 Points (GD: +39)
The “C” must stand for “Cheat Code.” Shamz didn’t just win the league; he annexed it. With a +39 goal difference, he’s basically the Pep Guardiola of the group, but probably with more hair and fewer tactical meltdowns. His form guide ($WWWWLWWWWLWW$) looks like a barcode for a very expensive bottle of champagne. 10 wins, 2 losses, and 180 goals? Shamz, we’re checking your boots for magnets and your water bottle for Rocket Fuel. Absolute dominance.
🥈 THE “TITLE CHALLENGERS” (The Arsenal & Liverpool Section)
2. Reda – 24 Points (GD: +22)
Reda is our Mikel Arteta. He played some beautiful stuff, scored 169 goals, and finished with a very respectable +22 GD. He was breathing down Shamz’s neck for a while, but those two losses in the final stretch ($…LLW$) suggest he might have bottled it just a tiny bit when the pressure was on. Still, second place is nothing to sniff at—unless you’re sniffing the exhaust fumes of Shamz’s victory parade.
3. Hamza – 24 Points (GD: +12)
Hamza finishes third on goal difference, the Jurgen Klopp of the league. He’s got the wins (8), he’s got the goals (167), but his defense was about as solid as a wet paper towel compared to the top two. A +12 GD is “Top 4” quality, but in this league, it just makes you the “Best of the Rest.”
🇪🇺 THE “CHAMPIONS LEAGUE RACE” (The 21-Point Clusterheadache)
This is where the table gets weirder than a VAR decision. We have FOUR players tied on 21 points. It’s a Royal Rumble for 4th place.
4. Omar – 21 Points (GD: +7)
Omar takes 4th place thanks to a GD of +7 and 163 goals. He’s the Unai Emery of the group—consistently “there or thereabouts.” His form was a bit of a tragedy at the end ($LWL$), suggesting he was perhaps more focused on the post-match kebab than the clean sheet.
5. Ruhel – 21 Points (GD: +7)
Ruhel is basically Omar’s shadow. They have the same points and the same GD, but Ruhel scored 164 goals to Omar’s 163. Wait, why is he 5th? The spreadsheet gods have spoken, Ruhel! Maybe it’s because you conceded one more? It’s a cruel world. You’re the Tottenham of the table—great stats, but somehow still just outside the big trophies.
6. Saifur – 21 Points (GD: +3)
Saifur is the Newcastle of the league. 7 wins, 5 losses. He does just enough to stay relevant. His form ($LWLLWLWLWW$) is as inconsistent as British weather. He finished strong with two wins, but that +3 GD suggests he spent most of his season living on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
7. Saif – 21 Points (GD: -1)
And then there’s Saif. How do you win 7 games and still end up with a negative goal difference? That is a statistical miracle. Saif is the Manchester United of the season—winning games he probably shouldn’t, losing games spectacularly, and finishing with a goal difference that makes you go “Wait, how?”
🛡️ THE “MID-TABLE MEDIOCRITY” (The Safety Zone)
8. KK – 15 Points (GD: -1)
KK is the West Ham of the league. 5 wins, 7 losses. He’s safe from relegation, but he’s not going to be invited to any award ceremonies. He matched Saif’s -1 GD, which means for every moment of brilliance, there was a moment of “What on earth are you doing, KK?!”
9. Nurul – 15 Points (GD: -15)
Nurul finishes 9th with a -15 GD. He’s the Chelsea of the season—spent a lot of energy, scored 153 goals, but the defense was basically a “Welcome” mat. However, look at that form: $WWW$ to finish! If the season was two weeks longer, Nurul might have been dangerous. Instead, he’s just… 9th.
📉 THE “RELEGATION SCRAP” (The Bottom Three)
10. Delwar – 12 Points (GD: -21)
Delwar is our Everton. He’s flirting with disaster. 4 wins and 8 losses. His GD of -21 is starting to look like a debt collector’s bill. He scored 149 goals, which is decent, but letting in 170? Delwar, have you considered standing in front of the goal instead of next to it?
11. Shahin – 6 Points (GD: -25)
Oh, Shahin. The Burnley of the 120825 tab. 2 wins, 10 losses. It’s been a tough slog. With a form guide that is mostly just the letter ‘L’, it’s clear that Friday nights haven’t been kind to him. But hey, 148 goals! You’re still outscoring some of the pros, even if your defense is currently on sabbatical.
12. Suhel (R) – 6 Points (GD: -29)
And finally, at the very bottom, we have Suhel (R). The “R” stands for “Relegated,” “Recovering,” or “Really needs a new pair of gloves.” With only 2 wins and 175 goals conceded, Suhel has had the kind of season that makes you want to take up knitting instead. He’s the Sheffield United of the league—brave, high-scoring (146 goals!), but ultimately, the league’s favorite whipping boy.
🎙️ FINAL VERDICT
What a season! We’ve had more goals than a Brazilian carnival and more drama than an episode of EastEnders. Shamz (C) is the undisputed king, while Suhel (R) is currently looking for the “Delete League” button.
To the winners: Enjoy your glory.
To the losers: There’s always next season, and maybe consider buying a goalkeeper who isn’t actually three kids in a trench coat.
See you all on the pitch for the next one! ⚽🔥
Friday Footy 